i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
