I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
