If i come over, it means nothing
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
