Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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