Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
