I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
