you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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