mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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