Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
