Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
FUCK WHALES
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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