Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize