The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
