benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
