i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
