Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
