After last night, I could never be a politician.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
