Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
