mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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