Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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