It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
