Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
