my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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