So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
