u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Never joke about your clitoris.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
