he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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