He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
