Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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