oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
