is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
