i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
