Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
