if i can run in heels then i can drive
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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