the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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