you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
