Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize