He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
