Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
