Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
should my penis look like a turkey
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
