You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
