a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
