Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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