How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
