Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
