I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Mom said you looked used
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
