You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
