Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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