i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
