do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
