You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
