True but thats because hes a fetus.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize