Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Randomize
