I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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