My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Randomize
