I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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