he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
