Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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