its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
