guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
