I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
