I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
