Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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