Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
