Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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