You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
