When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
