Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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