One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
