Can i not drive my cunt home
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
